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The Other Woman

Many years ago when I first started writing for magazines I used to write letters to the editor. I would comment on the contents of previous issues and if my comment was clever enough I would get paid.

On one occasion I wrote about my husband Ron's collections. He has OCD - obsessive collecting disorder - and his accumulations include several hundred cameras, almost as many 'art' books (use your imagination - I won't elaborate here!), dozens of diaries and several very beautiful calendars. I concluded my letter by saying: 'As long as he doesn't collect women that's OK with me'.

The Tip of the iceberg...

However, what I saw as the gross sum of his collecting was merely the tip of the iceberg. Unbeknownst to me, hidden away in suitcases and filing cabinets in the garage were hundreds of bras, corselets, pantee girdles and stockings.

It took me a while to understand that the collecting was just a small part of something - or perhaps I should say someone much bigger - Rachel. Rachel had been a part of this marriage for many years but it just didn't fully dawn on me until about six/seven years ago.

Suddenly there she was in all her glory: pretty blouses and skirts, slinky evening dresses, pretty wigs and high-heeled shoes.

So what's all this about?

The questions came fast and furious - is he gay, where do I fit in all this, do we carry on just as before, or does he want a divorce? There's no doubt that in a situation like this major adjustments do have to be made. We took it slowly, talking everything through carefully.

The outcome

Yes, life has changed considerably. There's a lot of fun to be had with Rachel. For example, shopping expeditions are always interesting. We linger for hours in the girly departments and race like the wind through the boy departments. Trying on garments is always a challenge. It's easier in stores like Marks & Spencer when you can take all sorts of things into the men's fitting room. The secret is to collect a pair of men's trousers and pretend you're trying them on. The other things in the basket are obviously your wife's shopping and nobody asks any questions.

Another great side to our life now are Beaumont (and other) weekends away. Rachel can be Rachel for the whole time and Ron is temporarily banished to the back of the wardrobe. Through these weekends, and other meetings, we've also made some very good friends.

My advice

To any partner suddenly finding herself in this position I would say don't make any hasty decisions. Yes, there are moments when I think I hate Rachel. Why can't she just go away? Yes, there are moments when I resent the fact that Rachel's belongings occupy almost every wardrobe in the house and half of my things reside in a suitcase. Yes, there are those especially infuriating moments when I discover Rachel's nicked my pantees, bras, dresses and anything else that might fit.

Even so, think it through carefully - you may, like me, find that there is plenty of room for The Other Woman.

Frances

 

Would you like to join us?

Beaumont Partners is a volunteer organisation, run exclusively by women, for women. We aim to improve the emotional wellbeing of women who are experiencing issues as a result of discovering that their partners are transgender.

If you're a woman with experience of living with someone who's transgender and are willing to share your personal experience to the benefit of others, we'd love to hear from you - why not drop us an email at orchidbp@virginmedia.com

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